Please read the important K-Close article. That is Part 1 of this post.
Some girls are willing to have sex on the first date regardless. But many, many girls aren't willing to. They WILL bang you, but they won't walk into a situation and say, "Ok, let's bang." But if the opportunity presents itself she will.
So, you're on a date with Emiri at the bar or karaoke and you start kissing her. She kisses, it's fine, no problems. Then you try to take her back to your house: "Umm, it's getting late. I have to go."
Ah-ha! This is the problem most guys have. I, however, never have this problem. You won't either if you do it my way. Like this:
You're at the same bar with Emiri. You're talking and having a good time. You only touch her hand for a second, just enough to get her wanting more. You don't hold her hand. You have to let it go quickly. If you hold it to long you fail. Or, usually, you don't even have to worry about this because it isn't totally necessary. So, after you're talking you ask her to come over. She says, "Sure!" and you go home and happily nail her.
Why did we succeed only in the second example? Because if you kiss her the IMPLICATION for sex is there. Implying sex by kissing her will mean that if she goes to your house you will kiss her again. And, if she willingly goes to your house knowing that you'll kiss her that would mean that you're going to try to bang her. She might want to bang you too, but that desire for sex isn't stronger than her desire to not see herself as a slut.
"Her desire for sex isn't as strong as her desire to not see herself as a slut."
If sex is implied she might go back home. If you don't kiss her, however, she doesn't know what will happen. She may be thinking, "Does he even like me?" She likes you and wants to know more about you. Then when you do finally kiss her and get her wet you're not in the middle of the restaurant. Can you take her clothes off there? Usually not. But at home, you can. And she lets you because it's not in a public karaoke booth or park bench
Love hotel is the same thing. Sex is implied. Implied sex = no sex!
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'08 beach action!
Sex on the beach and we're not talking cocktails! I really liked this girl. Hope to see her again!
4 comments:
So true !
This is related to something RSD Alex was talking about. He was saying it`s usually unhelpful to "go direct" or make out with girls because, in his words, it "makes sex a foregone conclusion", which causes the girl to lose arousal. Predictability isn`t arousing. Wondering whether she`s going to get fucked is arousing, but knowing she`s going to get fucked isn`t.
I think it`s definitely also what you said as well. At least on the surface girls have to rationalize their behaviour, so if you make it too obvious that you`re going to fuck them then they will often back out.
With really experienced and sexually open girls though I think it can be better to make it really obvious. Depends on the girl. But probably the average girl is like you described.
@Bombastic: Wow, this RSD Alex guy seems to be the only other guy to advise people to not look like idiots and makeout with every single girl they see in the club and go home empty-handed. I've been telling people for years to not do that.
I like the alternative reason he gives: that it's not that they don't want to have sex, it's that they only want it if it isn't planned. If you kiss, it's planned, and not interesting. I don't know. I still think that my conclusion is correct: if they go home with you on the first date after kissing you they are pretty much saying "I'm a slut" rather than "I know he's going to bang me so it's not fun anymore." Or maybe it's a combination of both.
Luckily, whichever reason you choose, the actions you need to take are the same: don't show her that sex is imminent!
I think the there are 3 levels of this. 1 level is about the guy and what he is doing, as far as KINO goes. The 2nd level is about the girl and her slut defense. The 3rd level is putting women into a Yes or No situation about sex, without giving win-win options.
1. The guy might be screwing up KINO. That is he is escalating too fast, for that specific woman.
He over does it, she is not comfortable, and then he makes a overly direct request that they go to his house.
The guy should be monitoring how well the KINO is going and that she is truly comfortable and ready.
2. You are going to activate her slut defense, whenever you put her into an obvious "You want to have sex?" scenario. She doesn't want to look like a slut, so she will more often than not say "NO".
So, HOW you asked her to go home with you is important.
You: So you are off tomorrow, like I am. I remember you mentioned that to me before.
Her: Yes, I'm usually off on Saturdays.
You: Do you like American movies?
Her: Yes
You: Great, I have an enormous collection of American movies that you would really like to see. Some with Japanese subtitles too. Isn't that fantastic?
Note- with smile on your face and building up the hype.
Her: Oh yes, that is great.
You: My house is close by. Let's head over there and check out a movie.
Note- you mention your house nonchalantly and with relaxed coolness. To minimize it seeming dangerous or hype your house as a cool place to go.
Her: OK.
You can possibly circumvent her slut defense, because you gave her an EXCUSE to come to her house and it doesn't appear sexually related. You also trapped her by having her say she has free time, before you started to attempt to get her to come to your house.
3. Avoid putting women into "yes" or "no" situation, where they feel threatened. Like if she yes, that is giving you direct permission to screw her silly. It is always easier for women to say "no" and even if "no" appears awkward, they will feel safer for saying "no".
You can phrase the question for "yes only" and/or that saying "yes" appears very SAFE. Or you give her options where they are both wins for you.
You can give her the choice of going to your house and seeing your movie collection or a wine bar that is right next to the hotel (her not knowing its next to the hotel).
If she says "yes" to your movie collection, you win. If she says "yes" to the wine bar, you have her drink more, do more KINO, then go for the hotel.
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