Why Do Girls Only Date Guys Once? - Question Answered!

Why do so many cute girls go on one-time dates and never talk to the guys again?  Not all cute girls are like this, but since we can't always be lucky to find too many of these, we need to learn about why popular girls act the way they do.   In this article I attempt to explain why the girl who you had a fantastic date with yesterday will never talk to you again.  -NB

I truly believe that the popularity (i.e. sexual attractiveness) of a girl is the single-most determinant of her actions in relationships with men. Living in both large and small cities in two largely different countries has really opened my eyes to things in both places more than I would have ever noticed had I only lived in one. I never spoke English proper-ly until learning grammar rules of Japanese, for example. Regarding the girls, instead of determining why she's not going on second date, I think we should first examine why she's even going out with him in the first place.

Before that, however, we must note that if a girl is cute she almost assuredly has a placeholder BF.  I say placeholder because more times than not the girl is not totally happy with the placeholder, and although she treats him like a BF, the placeholder is subject to being cast out at the appearance of an upgrade.  Girls with placeholder BFs will subconsciously keep orbiters around to entertain them and maintain that sense of self-worth when their placeholders are away. Of course orbiters want sex and/or a relationship, but the girl will limit what the orbiter gets because she needs him as backup to the current placeholder. And since guys are generally schmucks and okay with this arrangement, the girls never change, are always put on a pedestal, and will forever have guys to take them out and entertain them. These girls will, however, usually become better people when they feel their looks have started to fade. I think that when many feel it coming, they jump into marriage with whatever placeholder they happen to be dating at the time. 

(Note the use of the term "boyfriend" should be reduced in our vocabularies and replaced by "placeholder."  If a girl has a true BF, she will not be talking to another suitor in the first place and thus is not a part of this discussion.  Also outside of this discussion, obviously, are popular girls who have no BF and no placeholder and don't act like this.)

I knew a lot of this in Japan, but until coming to the States I didn't understand why a girl always feels like she needs the world to know he has a BF (yes, really he's just a placeholder).  Well, having a BF is the main contributor to her sense of pride and self-worth. It's no myth that cute girls don't have the personality or brains of ugly or average girls who haven't been chased by men their whole lives. So, in their small, twisted minds, they need to know that they're beautiful and that they're desired by men.  Because if they didn't have that to hold onto, they'd have nothing. And since these girls are very conscious of what others think about them, they need to keep the placeholder and are always open to an upgrade, even if they themselves aren't aware of it.


There many, many reasons, a girl would want to date any new guy: sex, fun, entertainment, boredom, free meal, notch on belt, pride, etc. I don't know how women have convinced society that men are the ones who get sex and then never see the women again, but I have never experienced this to be true neither with myself or anyone I know. Yes, there are exceptions but it's about 20/80. And Mr. Pimp is obviously doing it as a lifestyle and for fun because he likes sex. Women on the other hand--all women--seem to do this subconsciously. It's like a built-in mechanism to get as much from as many men as they can. Some actually want the sex. Some want to go out and have fun and be entertained because they're bored. Some want to tell their friends some guy with a Porsche took her to a fancy restaurant and she didn't answer when he called because she's too down-to-earth to be wooed by a rich man. It could be any number of reasons why they'll go out with a guy, but none of these reasons include that he's a viable suitor for a relationship--unless of course if he ends up being an upgrade to her placeholder. 

The most important reason, however--the one I've discovered most recently--is:

 Girls go on one-time dates with strangers to

 prove to themselves that they're liked!

They're insecure and want to know they're still beautiful. You see, Mr. Video Game guy might be fat at home playing a game, but he's secure because A) he has a degree in computer programming, B) he's super smart, C) he has a good job, D) he's going to Europe next year with his buddies. Subtract the fact that men want to have sex with her, what does the cute girl have going in her life? Absolutely nothing! And I really think that this is where huge problems lie for many men.

I knew there had to be a correlation between the differences I saw living in Japan vs the States, but I attributed the country's culture to those differences. Boy, was I wrong! It wasn't the country, it was the fact that Osaka is huge and where I am now is relatively small. Mix that together with the fact that desirable girls want nothing more than to be desired and it all fits into place. You see, girls in the big city don't need to you buy them dinner because they get hit on 20 guys a day who beg to buy them dinner. And they don't have to worry about cheating on placeholders because there are so many people sleeping with each other that no one has time to keep track of anyone else. Gossip reaches a much smaller percentage of the population. A hip, metro-cultural sexual relationship haven the big cities are!

Small cities, on the other hand, have a lack of men the average hot girl would even consider going out with, even if it is just for a free meal. First, in the instance where the guy is worthy, there'd always be the chance of seeing someone she knows. And she really has to watch that because she doesn't want word of it to get back to her placeholder.  Second, she can't have sex as freely because if the guy happens to tell 10 people, there's that much more chance someone will find out and she'll be called a slut, which is a biologically embedded fear of most girls. In a big city, however, there are so many people that she'll go unnoticed. (The next two reasons might contradict but in any situation it's a fact that wil contribute to society's views.) Third, there are fewer guys in the small city. Fewer guys means she has so many fewer to choose from. She can't just go sleeping with Mr. Friday Night because he doesn't exist. She needs to hold on to the placeholder she's got and not cheat because there are so few replacements. Finally, there are fewer girls in the small city. So, since no guys want to hit on the fatties, the girls in small cities are put even higher on a pedestal because percentage-wise there are so few of her. She can afford to act spoiled.  She's a superstar!

As an addendum, here are couple thoughts that might help out in situations that don't fit with the logic/theories above.  First, note the parenthesized paragraph above stating that some girls have true BFs and will not be dating you in the first place.  Also there are cute girls secure enough with themselves that that need neither BF nor placeholder.  There are true sluts who enjoy the lifestyle of freedom.  There are girls who are not really thinking about men but go on a date once a year, don't feel a spark, then go back to their lives.  None of these girls are included in this discussion and I haven't attempted to solve any problems associated with them.

Also, "cute" can often be read as "popular."  Thus, if a fat girl is giving you the problems mentioned in this essay, you might note that since you're interested she most likely has other suitors as well.  Finally, there's intimidation.  You're too rich for her and make her feel insignificant.  You're too handsome and muscular and you make her seem ugly by comparison.  Either that or she thinks you'll cheat or that you deserve better.  Maybe you turn her on too much.  You could talk in a way that makes her feel insecure. 

Then there's the simple fact that you might mess up something on the date, but this is rarely the case.  In most instances the girl has gotten to know a bit about you before the one and only date.  And she knew about your looks on day one.  Could it be like people say, she just wasn't into you?  If she's out with another guy within a week and you believe what someone with such a defeatist attitude says then you're selling yourself short.  Granted, most girls subconsciously crave the challenge of dating idiots so they can change them for the better then upgrade to an even bigger loser, but if you got to know the girl at least a bit before the date and didn't screw anything up, then there was nothing you could have done to prevent her not talking to you again.  It was a great date and she elected not to come in your house.  Goodbye kiss...forever.  She elected to come in and she was very open to sex.  Next morning sex again then...goodbye forever.  The girl in either situation, however, has just been forever appropriately stereotyped and categorized in this article.  And the world now knows. 

Maturity Spikes: Japan vs USA

The new phrase today is "maturity spikes." I just Googled it and found I'm the originator! Certain investment instruments in the financial sector have used the term, but here the definition is as follows:

Maturity Spike - An approximate age when an individual is expected to change his or her actions which are viewed by society to be more mature. The "overnight" duration is actually a steady climb in maturity over the period of approximately 1-2 years.

I've experienced different times of female maturity spikes over the years. First of all, many pubescent girls (ages 11-12 or so) are self-conscious and refuse talk to anyone except their parents and friends. This is not my observation, rather, a known fact found in many studies and books by authors with many more credentials than me. These findings hold in many countries.

The Teen and College Years

When they reach approximately age 14 Japanese girls will have no more maturity spikes for the next 8-10 years. They will simply mature at a steady pace.

When I first went to Japan I noted how teenage Japanese girls were much more mature than American girls. So while Japanese girls are slowly and steadily maturing over the 14-24 age range, I was under the impression that all American girls hit a maturity spike sometime during the college years.

However, since coming back to Japan I realized that is not necessarily the case for all girls, just for the girls I met during my college years. Since I'm no longer a college student, I've been exposed to a different kind of girl. This is baffling because about half of the college age girls I've dated are actually in college. Now could it be that the girls who are more studious are in school in the daytime and stay in on weekends, thus I'm not meeting them? And that the less studious ones just go to class and go home, thus I never met them was I was in college? Or that only the "party girls" are the ones willing to date a guy 10 years older than them?

Or could times have changed? I've noticed that American girls swear a lot more than they used to 10 years ago. Plus nearly ever girl I meet, college age or not, is taking some type of drugs for stress or depression. Could this be attributed to the type of girls I'm meeting? Here's a fact:

There are MANY more drug commercials on TV than there were 10 years ago.

Here's another:

People, especially girls, are eating a lot more unhealthily.

Could this contributed to bitchy attitudes and mental stress? One more:

Americans on average weigh more than they did 10 years ago, 10 years ago they weighed more than they did 20 years ago, and so on.

Could it be that with all these negative factors girls are just getting dumber overall and when I was in college I missed the 20% or so who were dumb and these days 80% or dumb so I can't miss them anymore?

So it's either that I'm not meeting the same type of girls as I was 10 years ago; or that girls are dumber, fatter, bitchier, and sluttier.

Conclusion

Japanese girls aged 14-24 are maturing steadily and are much more mature than their American "party girls counterparts. Some are studious and some slowly discover alcohol and boys. This choice really doesn't affect their maturity.

Studious American girls reach a maturity spike sometime around age 19 and blow past their Japanese counterparts in terms of maturity.

However, many college age American party girls reach what we might call an anti-maturity spike when they discover alcohol and guys. They bring the dating drama, jump from guy to guy every week, get tons of tattoos, and get drunk and stupid every weekend.

The Ultimate Maturity Spike: Ages 23-26

Now we can take the party girls, the studious "good girls," the Japanese, and the Americans and group them together.

The cute, sexy, and slutty girls from either country will stop being drunk sluts sometime between the ages of 23-26. They might find a job upon finishing college. They will most likely want their next relationship to be a long one.

A huge difference, though, is that Japanese girls definitely stop dressing the same as they used to when they were younger. This is huge for many guys because in Japan I would never be interested in a woman (notice I didn't say "girl") over 25 simply because they no longer dress sexy but dress like an old lady. American girls in their late 20s who have stayed in shape, however, are virtually indistinguishable from girls in their early 20s. In Japan the visible difference is night and day.

In America, however, I wouldn't be interested in a girl who's under 25. Remember how there seems to be a dwindling number of respectable college age girls? Well, the large majority who are basically intolerable in conversation during the college years hit this ultimate maturity spike and get a lot smarter. Japanese girls, on the other hand, may be 22 year old sluts but they're just as capable of having an interesting conversation as a 27 year old is. And, since most Americans seem to be party girls, it makes sense that a 22 year old Japanese is more interesting to talk to than a 22 year old American girl, who is likely intolerable.

Also, another biggie: both American and Japanese girls spike in terms of wanting a relationship as opposed to one-night stands. However, American girls suddenly become a lot smarter and and cooler to talk to. They definitely surpass the Japanese in overall intelligence; and whether you'd prefer to talk to an American or Japanese 29 year old is anyone's preference.

The Ultimate Conclusion

In conclusion, if it's sex with many women that you want the place to be is Japan. Not only are the college ones more mature, but they're just as slutty and not even close to Americans in terms of overweight percentage. But, if it's a long-term, meaningful relationship you want look for a pretty 28 year old American who managed to steer clear of the food and drug problems.

Exciting Revelation that Insecure Girls Do Anything for Guys' Approval

Some profiling and stereotyping here. And it's not about Japanese girls, so if that's what you're looking for you might want to skip this one. Very interesting though!

I've been noticing how insecure girls are. This quote of mine from a while ago gives you a picture of what I'm talking about:

A friend and I were at Subway not too long ago sitting by the window. A car pulled in...It was an above average girl, alone. Within seconds, guess what she did? Yep, pulled out her phone and called her friend. Proof of insecurity. She kept looking over her shoulder on the street to see if her friend had shown up yet. She was most likely on the phone with the friend. It was NUTS! She kept looking left and right and her facial expressions were extreme! I know for a fact that she felt so insecure being there alone because she saw two guys staring out at her and you know what she did? Two minutes later she drove off. She couldn't f*cking stand it. CrAzInEsS!

Don't Leave Me Alone

* Last week I was in the food court on lunch break and saw a cute girl sitting by herself. I ordered my food and walked by her and made eye contact. I didn't think there was a BF around so I turned back and was going to try to sit with her. Of course, she was on the phone. You see, it was like, noon, so there were very few young people in there. She was very content sitting there eating alone with the oldies. Until I, a young guy, noticed her, that is! After she saw that I saw her she must have thought: Omg, this guy saw me. I'm alone! OMG, he must think I have no friends. I better hurry and get on the phone and pretend my friend's just late!

Does this really go through their heads? I think it does. I'm in the food court a lot since it's by work. A few days later I was in there with my friend telling him this story. We noticed that only girls who feel they're above average behave like this. If you're a fatty you obviously don't give a damn what people think about you. Thus, can you guess? Yep, they have no problem sitting alone. Me? The old guy? The Chinese guy? The middle aged lady? Yep, we all could care less what others think about us (or we know that no one really cares about other people they see). But these girls do. And, actually, the douchebag backwards hat guys do as well. They also can't be alone or it will challenge their self-image of being cool.

* Same day, maybe, I noted to my friend that a cute girl came in the door from the parking lot. But she didn't walk by us. Then 30 seconds later I saw she walked out. I was like, "Hmm, she went back outside." My friend, "She probably saw that the people she was supposed to meet are here yet and she's to scared sit down and wait alone." Haha giggle giggle, we did. Sad but he was probably right. She probably went and sat in her car until her friend showed up. (It's not that girls want to be others because of nanpa. The only person who actually does that is me [black guys are actually fearless nanpa masters but they only do black girls].)

So, that's just some evidence that people really do care a whole lot what total strangers think. It's soooooo fucking clear and obvious now. Of course the fat girl with makeup will be alone: she doesn't care what others think or else she'd be wearing makeup and on a diet! Girls who try to be hot are self-conscious. It should now make total sense when I say, "Tan blonds in Japan what to bang you but they don't want to be seen being picked up by a gaijin." These girls are the girls who care the most what others think. You might be able to take this even further. If you want to know how cool someone is simply look at his/her clothes. If they don't give a damn they might be pretty cool?!!

We'll Do Things to Make Guys Like Us

Next up, I've seen a few trends over the past decade with American girls here. When I was in college and going to the bars girls did not say f*ck, sh*t, or b*tch very often. Now they say f*ck every other word, drunk or sober! I was thinking that maybe it's a different kind of girl, but that doesn't fit. College or not, they cuss like sailors! Is it because guys swear a lot? Read on. Look at the #1 free dating website and every third girl has hobbies of mud-bogging, hunting, fishing, and riding her own motorcycle. WTF? I've never met a girl who likes to do all this stuff, yet on there, they all do? Is this just to attract guys to them? Hey, I'm a girl. I'm insecure. I'm going to buy a motorcycle so that guys think I'm cool. This is getting crazy! It gets worse. In 1999 girls at the bar were not slamming shots and beer. They were not wasted and driving drunk. They weren't tatooed from head to toe. Only guys were. Now, every chick and her sister has tattoos all over and think of nothing but going to the bar. I swear it wasn't like this 15 years ago.

But it gets even worse. And this seems like proof that we can all relate to. In 2005 sometime Style and Mystery became popular. Mystery isn't my favorite, but he did have a unique goal that I respected: to get a bisexual GF. I mean, all guys want threesomes, but no one really actually had a goal of getting a bi-GF. Mystery was the first. Then, I don't know if every other guy copied him or if Mystery just showed guys that it's possible, but after a year or so it seemed like every where you go you'd find a guy who's goal (not dream, goal) was to find a bisexual GF. In my life now I don't meet a tenth of the girls I used to meet when I was in college and going to bars. But guess what, ladies and gentlemen? Dun dada dunnnn....yes, that's right, folks, I don't even ask (or care) and a lot of the girls I meet offer me the info that they're bisexual! OMFG! This is craziness! They were not bi before. Perhaps they were but so many guys now saying that they want bi girls brings these girls...out of the closet, so to speak? I don't know, but I guarantee that if there had been no Mystery these girls would not be ranting and raving about their bisexuality. Nuts nuts nuts!