Wait 6-8 Months Before Trusting a Girl

I was talking to friend the other day, and talking about the same thing today with this American chick who got a new BF and (insert boring story here). I thought about all my past relationships with Japanese girls. When I first went to Japan I pretty much trusted anyone who seemed sincere. Then I started to realize that Japanese girls will bang you once, twice, or date you up to 3-4 months then just ditch you. This happened to me once and I was really upset, so from there I've carried a heart of stone so that no one can hurt me. I'm so bad now that when my GF of two years nearly broke up with me for something I did I simply told her, "Okay, good luck."

I've had a lot of girlfriends. Yes, they overlapped, but they were serious, and the start of the short ones was no different from the start of the long ones. I didn't go back to check exact dates, but up to around 4 months I've had girls just disappear, some with no goodbye mail or anything. Some were virgins, some were older, some were hot, some were average. One thing holds true: the older, the more educated, the more "non-ADD" (as my friend would say) a girl is, the more likely she is to send you an explaination/goodbye mail. The younger, the more A-class a girl is, the less likely you are to get an explanation. The closer you are--you've met the parents, for example--the more likely you are to get a mail even if she's totally ADD hot blond hostess A-class 19 year old.

And then there are those ten or so relationships I had that lasted 6 months or more. Would you believe I still talk to all of them today? And, the eventual breakup was something I could have prevented, had I not wanted to breakup, which I did. I could have probably married most of these girls, had I not been evil and replace them with better ones.

So, I guess this is a message to guys who fall in love with a Japanese girl: don't trust her until you've been with her at least 6 months. If you don't change anything in that time, she'll probably stay with you at least a year. If a girl goes through some change--as they often do--it's likely you'll see one of those changes within 6 months and if she stays with you that long she'll stay with you longer. If it hasn't been 6 months, don't give her your heart!

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That's about all I have to say here, so since you're paying for this (you are paying me, right?), I'll tell a little story. This story doesn't include any girls who just stopped mailing me after a couple months, but Lord knows I have handfuls of those stories to tell too.

It was October and I picked up my average of a few girls a week or so, something like that. Here are the girls in the story:

• a) 19 year old tan blond gyaru virgin. Very hot. Met her at the convenience store.
• b) 23 year old extremely tiny, bitchy, smart, and a lot of fun. Met her in 100 shop.
• c) 28 year old hostess. Met her at hostess bar.

It just so happened that I set up the first dates with all three of these girls in a 2 day period. So, I met a) for drinks, banged her, sent her home then headed over to c)'s house when she finished work. The next day I dated b) and banged her too. I don't remember the order but it was something like that.

• a) She stayed with me dating me about once a week. She said she wouldn't have sex with someone she didn't like so we were together a year after that and now we're still in contact
• b) She had a BF when I nailed her and she broke up with him the next day. She was looking to get rid of him but had no alternatives. We had loads of fun together. I really liked this girl. But, she just decided to send me a mail 4 months later saying she wanted to get back with the old BF. That lasted a while, then she dumped him, then she met and banged me every three months or so, now she has a new BF.
• c) She realized our relationship of 3 months was going no where since we only met at 2 am and did pretty much nothing but video games, sex, and movies. You can't do much at 2 am but that was her excuse. She'll always reply if I mail. She has some customer BFs now. She says she'll see me if I have time. Maybe I'll see her next time I'm in Japan.

So, these girls are not the "disappear" type. They mailed even after we "broke up." The time period was the same, and two ended within four months, one stayed a year. When I left Japan I had four GFs. Three I had just met in the couple months before I left. Results: one stopped mailing a few weeks after I came to the US, one who I was really serious with answered my calls for two more months then started ignoring me, one broke up in person as I returned to Japan, one stayed with me.

In short, you can't really tell, so wait your 6 months then you'll know for sure!

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UPDATE: I wrote the following to a friend who'd recently got a girlfriend, and the topic is so similar that I thought I'd post it here:

There's nothing wrong with having a single GF and not cheating on her. That's what most guys do. One of the things PUAs in Japan have in common though, is that we (collectively) don't have GFs because we shag many girls. You always told me that you don't want a GF though; whereas most guys say they do. You changed, which is okay. Some guys change in the opposite direction when they find the PU community. This is okay too. I've usually had a GF plus other girls. But one GF kept me from cheating for a time. I even told all other girls I had a GF, so when that one girl dumped me I had no one. That'll never happen to me again though.

And that's why I'm writing this. I don't have too much of an opinion about morals of banging several girls or cheating on someone (because I myself don't feel it's bad). Sure, I might call guys with a GF gay, but that means nothing as most guys are one-girl guys. But, I just don't want anything to happen to you--or any guy on here--that makes you feel sad, hurt, or that you've wasted your time. I won't waste a girl's time either: if I date her a year and don't want to marry her I'll let her know that. If I don't want a LTR I'll tell her early-on. I hate seeing people do shit that hurts others. Sooo, I just want to say that you shouldn't dedicate yourself 100% to her just yet. So, maybe you don't want to cheat, which is fine, but don't send an email to all your regulars saying, "I got a GF." That'd be like burning your bridges. I know not all girls are like my ex-GF who dumped me, but I know that I've had it happen a good 10 times, even after 1-2 months. Your girl is probably more mature about suddenly flaking and is probably serious enough to only get into a relationship that she wants to be in. She likes you because you're a great guy and she's had time to see and evaluate that; she's not just with you for a quick fling.

Anyway, I'm happy for you and if you're happy I'm even happier. Most of what I was trying to say is in my Wait 6 Months Post, which I know you read, which basically says that although you may have dragged and dropped your copy of The Game into the Recycle Bin, you shouldn't empty the bin just yet.

Limited Mail Theory (incl response time & mail grouping)

Before

During my six years in Japan, I spent a lot of time sending cell phone mail (texts) to girls. I averaged 50 per day. Luckily I had the cell phone plan keeping my cell phone bill under $100, but it was occasionally tiring. In 2003 my phone had what I call "true BCC", by that I mean BCC like on your Hotmail: the person who is BCCed doesn't know it. Well, in 2004 Japanese cell phones lost this function and now if you BCC anyone it says "BCC" in the subject line. The Japanese really screwed up the meaning of Blind Carbon Copy, huh?

Today

Now I've matured, my Japanese is better, and I've learned a lot more about girls since 2003. If we were to compare 2004 and 2007, I think I picked up more girls in 2004, but out of each 10 I picked up, as many as four might not write back at all. I might only date 1-2 of those 10. In 2007, though, I would get replies from about 90%. That has nothing to do with the topic at hand here, but that just shows that I was better at picking them up.

And I am now better at mailing them too. I used to mail a girl as often as she'd reply, and believe it worked and I got laid several times a month, but, if I had put in the same amount of hunting time I did then, knowing what I know now about mailing, I would have been more successful. In short, mailing less is better. Or, you get more with less!

The Theory

You only get a certain number of mails with each girl before she ignores you, so you have to stretch those mails out over time, and get her to meet you before your mailing time runs out.

Now, the hotter the girl is the less chance she has to like you. This rating of hotness, as used by me, as explained in other posts, doesn't vary per rater, rather, it's objective and is based on how popular a girl is amongst men in general. So, the hotter she is the more guys she has and the less keen she'll be on you. And, the less keen on you the girl is, the fewer mails you have with her. It's not a direct relation, but can most of the time you can say, "the hotter she is the less time you have." On the opposite end, ugly girls might mail you forever.*

Phone Book Groups

Back to 2003. I would get a girl who would be relatively hot, say a 7 or 8, and I'd use up all of my mails to her within the first day or two, then she'd flake. When I first got girls I used to keep them in Group 0 in my phone, before putting them into another group of prospects. Back then, I would keep them in Group 0 for quite a while because they would flake so quickly. Why? For that answer, read my theory.

These days, I still have Group 0. But now, I usually only wait to get two mails from her before I move her to her corresponding Prospects group (I categorize prospects based on their looks or else how much I desire them, but that isn't important here). After she goes to a Prospects group, I will leave here there for however long it takes me to feel like emailing her. I can move them quicker now because I'm not going to blow it with any by wasting my mailing limit too quickly.

How Often Should I Email Girls?

Here we're getting into something that's also not the focus of this post, but I'll add a bit. Do you mirror her response times? Do you wait to reply to her longer than she waits to reply to you? I have the answers to all of these questions, and now I know the exact time when to reply to a girl for the maximum response ratio, but it's very hard to explain. I could explain it in a few minutes in spoken words, because I'd be able to answer questions regarding all situations, but here, I can only explain the basics.

The Five Steps of When to Reply

First of all, you must know that Japanese girls do not think about this. They reply when they can. You're after them, and if they're hot, they have a lot of guys after them. Sometimes, if the reply is short and unthoughtful, they are just replying because they feel they have to. Don't over analyze this. Girls don't and it will only get you fewer responses.

Second, you have to be patient. You can't predict what she's doing at a certain time, and if you mail her at that time, you might not get a reply. So, you can't sit there for 24 hours wondering when she's going to reply. Maybe she's busy? Maybe she forgot? Maybe she doesn't care about you? Do you want to know the truth about which one it is? I don't, because it don't care! Read the theory. She's seen your mail. She knows you mailed. If you mail again too soon you're needy and bored. You don't want that. So, you mail your girlfriend, play tennis, watch a movie, and basically, continue your life as if she weren't a part of it. When you do that, she'll mail. If she doesn't, you don't care because she isn't a part of your life anyway, right? And, in a few days without a reply, simply shoot her another mail. And you should never refer to the last mail you sent!

Third, you should use common sense. Don't go overboard trying to guess what she's doing, but if you know she has to work at 9 am then sending her a mail at 7:30 when she's doing her makeup isn't a good time. Or don't mail when she's sleeping as she won't be able to reply immediately. *2 Are you going to try to time the mail to arrive when she's bored riding the train? I guess that would be good, but still, don't go out of your way trying to send at the perfect time.

Forth in our list: you have to be natural. By this I mean that you should occasionally reply within minutes to her mail, and if she replies, and you have time to, do it again! You'd probably not want to shoot off ten mails in a row, but 4-5 in a row once or twice shouldn't hurt anything. And be natural also means that you send of something you write now. I've made templates in the past and saved them, but I've found that for each girl you have to modify the template and it ends up taking longer and being less natural than if you just typed it up right there. Also, I've found that anything witty I've ever done or said in the past is something I can do naturally in the future. It's not as if I have to write it down and lose my clever mailing ability or whatever. It's will naturally come to you when you need it.

Finally, don't care. If you care that means that this girl really means something to you. Of course she does or you wouldn't be mailing her; but you have to have other things going on so that your happiness doesn't rest on getting a reply from this girl. That's why I always had two girlfriends along with some other sex friends. If my GF, the one I really like who I want to write me back, doesn't reply, then I can mail some other girls and get what I need from them. I'm backing up this post as I write it now. You should backup anything that's important to you, even girls. *3

Reply Folder

This is revolutionary. Better yet, evolutionary. My phone has evolved over the years, and so have the folders I sort mails into. I used to have folders for this and folders for that, but now, I have very few. I'll list what you need here. If you make these folders you've surpassed a lot of trouble and have reached the point where I am today, a place that took me years to get to. All this work, and I end up with just a few simple folders:

• Guys. My girl and guy friends' mails and all "other" mails go in this folder
• Girls. Mails from girls who I've had sex with or am trying to have sex with
• GF #1. Folder for GF #1. You can't mix her with other girls as you might send her a mail you meant to send to some other girl who means nothing to you. A GF is not related to this lifestyle, so keep her separate. Luckily, you can use this lifestyle to get the best GF, though, and to keep from bothering her so much!
  
• GF#2. If applicable. I wouldn't get over 2-3 GFs. It's tough. Make the other ones "sex friends" who aren't worrying about your whereabouts who probably suspect you have other girls and know you're not 100% theirs (them knowing that might make them like you more and try to change you, by the way, but that's a topic for elsewhere).
  
• Info. This is a folder I found necessary. When you get a mail with directions or someone's phone number who you will need once then delete, chuck the mail here, and lock it so it doesn't auto-delete. Mine only has a few mails in it (new phone), but one is how to find the love hotel in a certain area, an area I've never been to, but plan to go sometime soon.
• Reply. This is what I would say is evolutionary. This eliminates the need to think about when you reply to girls! You just go through this folder when you have time to mail, then you reply if you think it's a common sense time to do so. If not, be patient and mail later! Remember, waiting a long time to reply is usually not a bad thing!

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Footnotes

* Theory doesn't hold for young, inexperienced girls who will mail you a dozen times a day for weeks and still never meet you. However, "inexperienced" can be read as "not popular" and therefore "not cute," right? If she were cute she'd have guys lining up to date her. If YOU think she's cute, fine, that's the perfect situation, but if she doesn't have guys lining up to date her then she's not cute, and not rated any higher than 6 or so.

*2 I always mail girls when they're sleeping. Why? Because I don't care, and not caring overtakes all other rules. I have time to mail them when they're sleeping, so that's when I do it. By my mailing schedule they assume that I'm busy all other times, so, they just mail me when they have a chance to.

*3 If you're a guy with a single girlfriend and don't want to cheat on her with other girls, don't get me wrong, I don't see anything wrong with that at all. That will be me someday too. In fact, I wish it were me now. It'd be so much easier! This type of guy probably isn't reading this now, but if you are, I mean no offense. For the record, it'd take me 8-12 months to trust a Japanese girl to not just suddenly stop mailing you. All girls I've been with that long I am still friends with today. I've had several relationships halt suddenly after 4 months and the girls just disappeared.

My Excuses for Staying in Japan

So there you are, sitting in Japan. There's probably at least one excuse you tell yourself about why you're there. For my six years the excuses had been a lot of things. The first reason to go was to get with many Asian girls. During the first year, though, although I was happy with the girls, I had some problems preventing me from relaxing and enjoying my life, so I stayed longer.
During the second year I got my work and apartment situations straightened out and was happier. During the third year I started focusing heavily on getting the hot girls that no one gets. I got a few and eventually got a GF I really liked. Around the time I got her I realized that gaijin don't get girls like her because of the language problem. Ask Mild Seven, when I first started dating Eri neither of us could understand what the hell she was talking about! Young, hardcore male slang, I guess you could say.

For the few months I was dating her I rarely cheated, which was odd. I told myself that she was the reason I was in Japan. I started studying Japanese again to understand the things she was saying. When that relationship was finished I had no more excuses to be in Japan. I didn't have her, and since I didn't, I had no reason to study Japanese. I hated the world. It was around the end of year three and I considered leaving Japan. I vented steam though a monster rampage the following month and slept with ten new club girls.

Those girls and a new young tan-blond GF made me feel better. She, new girls, and the JLPT2 were my new reasons to be in Japan. I passed the test (and started studying for JLPT1), took her to the US to visit, and fooled around with other girls while learning more and more about Japan, the girls, the language, and the culture. The new GF helped me more than she knew with her speed-talking and hardcore speaking style. Learning these things was a slow process, but I do know a lot more now; more about the culture, more about the language, and more about serious relationships. Did you ever feel that you can't really be friends with a guy who doesn't speak Japanese or who has only been in Japan a year? I doubt I could be friends with my past self.

By the end of year four I was able to get several of the type of girls I couldn't get before. I moved to a bigger room thanks to working extra hours the year before, got it to where I only worked four days a week, had a string of nice GFs, and was basically living my dream life.

And then it stagnated. I was focused on attaining these things for a few years and when I got them I didn't even want them. Sure, I'll always probably want a girlfriend and new pussy on the side, but sometimes it's kind of like, "that's it?"

For a little background about why I feel I needed reason or excuses to remain in Japan, I'll show you the "Five Reasons Guys Go to Japan." It's not an essay or anything but just something in my head that's been important to me for years.

1) Money
2) Girls
3) GF/wife
4) Learning (martial arts, language, etc)
5) Manga/video game nerd or Japanophile

You could make more, but while I was in Japan I always made sure I was doing at least two of these to "excuse" myself for being in Japan neglecting my future. It was hard to mix Money with Girls because they both take time. GF and Learning Japanese went well together. I don't think I ever did all four (I was never into #5) hardcore at once, but I did three. Oddly, having a GF and getting new Girls goes together well too.

So, in year five I had everything I'd ever wanted, but didn't want it any more. I already had my current GF by then, but I'd read The Game and felt like clubbing a lot again. Maybe I was just subconsciously trying to justify still being in Japan? My urge to go to clubs only lasted a couple months.

At the beginning of my final year I saw a lot of changes. These changes are why I'm not in Japan now. Japan Lair started. Finally, a bunch of guys just like me. What I was doing wasn't bad. I felt better as seeing a bunch of guys also doing what I've been doing for years kind of justified how I'd spent my time, made me felt like my lifestyle was okay, and allowed me to move on. I met Amanojack and Thinker around that time too. A girl who had been staying with me for a month moved out and I was totally relieved. My GF who'd gone semi-silent for two months came back and we're still together today. Had it been two years earlier I wouldn't have understood relationships as much and would have lost her.

But, the main big change was my introduction to something different: I read a book. Then another. And another. After one year I'd read 90 books on mind state, self-happiness, mental preparation, human interaction, and business. I immediately stopped studying Japanese. So many smart guys' ideas to read! That was the kick in the pants I needed. After reading for a few months I knew I'd leave Japan in 2008. I planned on February but being late doesn't matter as long as you do it.

I left four beautiful GFs, but that's about two too many for me. I'm keeping the two blonds and letting the other two fizzle out. And so far home is good. This was supposed to be about me being in America. I even had to change the title from "Living in America" because I got off on a tangent about me staying in Japan. Ah well. I'll make another post about the US sometime. I don't know how long I'll be here, but I think I need some sort extended vacation from my what became a permanent vacation in Japan.